Cobb School | Montessori Insights

By Jamie Gilbert

When I became a parent, I didn’t realize that one of my most important roles would be serving as a translator for my children’s emotional world.

As a toddler teacher, one of my greatest responsibilities is helping young children feel safe enough to express their emotions within the classroom community. Once a child feels seen and secure, we can begin building tools to support those big feelings. It may be practicing a breathing game during moments of frustration or simply naming an emotion so the child feels understood. These moments may seem small, but they are laying the foundation for emotional regulation.

From Naming to Understanding

As a mother, however, I have found that this role has evolved alongside my children. My oldest daughter is now in her final year of the Primary classroom, and our conversations naturally have more depth. Rather than simply naming basic emotions like happy, sad, or angry, I have the opportunity to introduce more complex emotional language.

Recently, we talked about guilt. Together, we explored what guilt felt like in her body and why those uncomfortable feelings might arise after making a choice she wished she had handled differently. Rather than focusing on punishment, we reflected on other choices she could have made and how those choices might have felt instead. It became a learning experience for both of us.

As I guided her through that conversation, I realized something about myself. Growing up, I often learned to push through difficult emotions rather than truly acknowledge them. Helping my daughter recognize and understand her feelings has challenged me to do the same. I believe one of the greatest gifts we can offer our children is helping them build a partnership with their own bodies: to notice what they are feeling, understand that those feelings have names, and recognize that emotions provide information rather than something to fear or avoid.

Why Naming Feelings Matters

Current neuroscience tells us that when we help children name their emotions, we are doing more than expanding their vocabulary. We are strengthening the connection between the emotional brain, where feelings are experienced, and the developing logical brain, where reflection, problem-solving, and self-regulation take place. Young children are not born with the ability to regulate their emotions independently; they borrow our calm, our language, and our presence until those skills gradually become their own.

Letting Children See Us Regulate

In Montessori, we often speak about the importance of modeling. For a toddler teacher, this means carefully considering how we move through the classroom, how we speak to one another, and how we respond to challenges. Our actions become a living lesson for the children around us.

I believe this extends far beyond the classroom.

When I was growing up, I rarely saw the adults in my life experience or work through big emotions openly. That was simply my family’s dynamic. As I entered motherhood, I knew I wanted something different for my own children. I wanted them to see that emotions are a natural part of being human and that there are healthy ways to move through them.

This doesn’t mean being emotionally vulnerable with our children in every moment or asking them to carry our emotional burdens. Rather, it means allowing them to witness healthy regulation: taking a deep breath before responding, acknowledging when we feel frustrated, apologizing when we’ve made a mistake, or saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to take a moment to calm my body.”

Growing Alongside Them

As our children grow, these conversations deepen. They begin recognizing emotions not only in themselves but also in others. They develop empathy, self-awareness, and resilience. They learn that emotions are not something to fix or avoid but something to understand.

To me, this is part of the magic of Montessori. While we model emotional regulation for our children, we are often growing right alongside them. In helping them build a language for their emotional world, we frequently discover a deeper understanding of our own. Emotional growth becomes not just an individual journey, but one that strengthens the entire family and creates a community where every member feels seen, understood, and supported.

Why unfilled moments help children grow

In today’s world, children are rarely without stimulation. Between busy schedules, screens, and a constant stream of toys and activities, the moments of stillness that once allowed children to imagine, reflect, and simply be have become rare. Yet in Montessori education, we see those quiet, unstructured moments, those times when a child may even appear “bored”, as powerful opportunities for growth.

Boredom as an Invitation, Not a Problem

When a toddler says, “I’m bored,” it can be tempting to quickly offer a toy, turn on a song, or find something to fill the gap. But in doing so, we may unintentionally take away the child’s chance to engage their imagination and inner motivation.

From a Montessori perspective, boredom is not the absence of activity; it is the beginning of creativity. When a child experiences a lull, their developing mind begins to search: What can I do? What can I create? How can I use what’s around me? This internal searching strengthens concentration, problem-solving, and resilience.

It’s in these unhurried moments that children discover the joy of building a tower with blocks, the fascination of watching how sunlight moves across the floor, or the satisfaction of pouring water back and forth simply to see what happens. The space left by boredom becomes the stage on which imagination and curiosity come to life.

Learning to Wait: A Foundation for Self-Regulation

Alongside the gift of boredom is another equally important skill: learning to wait. Toddlers live deeply in the present moment; waiting for a turn, a snack, or a parent’s attention can feel monumental. Yet, every time a young child waits, whether for help with their shoes or for their turn to feed the class fish, they are developing patience, emotional control, and empathy.

Dr. Maria Montessori observed that children thrive when they are given the opportunity to practice waiting rather than being constantly rushed or immediately satisfied. She wrote about the importance of the child’s “inner work,” the gradual strengthening of will and self-discipline that comes from experience, not instruction.

When we slow down and allow the child to experience waiting, we communicate an important message: You are capable of handling this feeling. You can wait, and I will be here with you while you do. Over time, this becomes the foundation for self-regulation, the ability to manage impulses, delay gratification, and persist through challenge.

Supporting These Skills at Home

You can nurture boredom and waiting in simple, everyday ways:

Allow pauses. If your child says, “I’m bored,” resist the urge to immediately intervene. Stay calm and curious: “Hmm, I wonder what you’ll decide to do.”
Model waiting. Let your child see you waiting patiently – at a red light, in a line, or while someone else speaks.
Create screen-free time. Protect quiet, device-free moments in your child’s day. These are often when the richest independent play emerges.
Honor slow transitions. Give extra time for dressing, eating, or leaving the house. The process is where learning happens.
Acknowledge feelings. Waiting is hard! You can empathize (“It’s so hard to wait for your turn”) while still holding the boundary.

Age-Specific Tips for Parents

For Children 15 Months–3 Years (Toddler)

Offer just a few simple toys at a time—rotate rather than add more.
Create small “yes” spaces where they can explore freely without constant redirection.
Narrate waiting in simple language: “First I put on my shoes, then you.”
Use practical life tasks—wiping spills, carrying laundry, washing vegetables—to fill natural pauses.

For Children 3–6 Years (Primary)

Encourage independent choices: “You may choose work from your shelf.”
Keep screens out of the daily routine to protect deep, creative play.
Introduce simple turn-taking games that require patient waiting.
In moments of boredom, invite observation: “What sounds do you hear?” “What do you notice outside?”

For Children 6–12 Years (Elementary)

Provide open-ended materials—art supplies, building tools, notebooks for inventions or stories.
Talk together about the value of thinking time and daydreaming.
Let them experience longer-term projects that require persistence and pauses.
Encourage them to problem-solve: “What could you try next?” rather than giving immediate answers.

Borrowing Our Calm: Helping Children Make Sense of Big Feelings